Codependent Vibes
🫥 I am ok if you are ok.
🫥You make me happy.
🫥 I do the "right things" for other people because I “should” resulting in my feelings of resentment, blame, or frustration.
🫥 When you are angry, I need to help resolve it because I'm not comfortable when you're unhappy.
🫥 I take on the responsibility of your feelings.
🫥 I do extra things so you will not have to worry.
🫥 If I'm good at something that I see you're not, I will pretend my skills are less to not make you feel uncomfortable.
🫥 I need to adjust my persona to fit into someone else's “okay-ness."
Co-empowered Vibes
🙌 I am ok even if you are not. Instead of taking on your feelings, I can hold a clean and clear space for you to feel.
🙌 I am the one responsible for my state of being.
🙌 I choose my needs and desires, even when I'm afraid it isn't what someone else wants from me.
🙌 I can hold space for you and validate your feelings without taking ownership of making you feel better.
🙌 I listen to what you tell me you need instead of reading your mind and assuming what you need.
🙌 Instead of playing small (or posturing) around you, I hold myself with composure and accuracy.
Codependency is About Attempting to Control What is Outside of You
If the codependent list is lighting you up, you are in good company! In my 6 years of having my EPT™ practice, working with over 100 individuals, codependency is usually present in one way or another. So if you are feeling a hint of shame or guilt around having codependent tendencies, give yourself grace and know that you can shift. As you're reading here, keep in mind, that there is nuance and subtlety regarding how codependency may show up in your life.
Once we can see that our well-intentioned behaviors are codependent and manipulative, we can begin to shift into more honest and clear ways of being. As I continue to explore these lower aspects within me, I have been able to love and transmute those lesser behaviors into co-empowering ways of being. I no longer believe I need to control (or attempt to control) others as a way to make me feel safe, secure, and worthy.
Tell Yourself the Truth & Keep Your Side of the Street Clean
When I engage in co-empowered behaviors, my actions are in true alignment with the outcomes I desire. Instead of trying to be something for someone else, I “stay” me, and allow others to be in charge of their own stuff. They are free and I am free. And importantly, the concept of blame becomes irrelevant. So my access to quick forgiveness and a clean slate to move forward is much easier.
Love is forgiving and giving. It's hard to give when you're blaming other people for your life circumstances. Taking ownership of your own life is the way to an empowered life. Tell yourself the truth about what you desire.
Reprogramming your inherited patterns and shifting from codependency to co-empowerment will shape your future in a way that is fully yours. This way of being is deeply satisfying and liberating – to know that you are the one in charge of your success, your outlook, and what happens “for” you in life.
